In your quest to become more confident with women, what are the main goals that you are aiming for?
What are your ultimate aims and desires?
These are tricky questions, I know! I’ve been there myself, but these are questions that you have to ask yourself if you are to be clear about what you want.
Insert pic – guy looking in mirror or scratching head
Most typically desired outcomes
So, to help make this a little clearer for you, I have identified what I believe to be the 5 most typically desired outcomes that guys who lack confidence seek:
- more dates
- more sex
- steady girlfriend
- improved relationship with a current partner
- ability to get over a relationship breakup
You may have noticed that I have ordered these in a particular way and there is a good reason for that – Goals 1-3 on this list are usually linked.
It makes sense when you think about it, a guy wants to get more dates, so that he can increase his chances of having a better and more frequent sex life. Goals 1 and 2 are now in play and in time, they lead to his ultimate goal, which is to get a girlfriend (goal 3)
The result – more dates and sex!
Boom!!! Goals 1, 2 and 3 banked!
Pics to illustrate
Don’t get complacent!
They may think that they’re the big man now. Goals 1-3 are in the bag and confidence is high. But it doesn’t stop there.
You see, goals 4 and 5 are also linked.
If a guy is in a relationship in which he has become complacent, lazy or weak and needy, that relationship will soon begin to have problems. If those problems aren’t being addressed properly, they will find themselves seeking goal number 4. If they don’t figure out how to achieve goal number 4, guess what? they will be in the dark and lonely place of seeking goal number 5.
Insert heartbroken man pic.
Once goal 5 is in play, he is back to seeking goal number 1 and round and round we go!
It doesn’t have to be this way
So you’ve met the girl, you’ve had some great dates, you’ve made a solid connection with her and you’ve been fortunate enough for her to let you sleep with her. You may have even met the parents!
You’re officially in a relationship (Facebook status confirmed) and it’s all going well.
You’re walking with a new air of confidence, you’ve got a spring in your step. You are much better at talking to women, as you feel less pressure. Your friends have noticed that you have come out of your shell and you’re more comfortable in social settings.
This is great!
But it needs to be maintained!
Let me explain… If you’re not a naturally confident man, it takes longer to get to a level of self-esteem that allows you to approach and engage with the opposite sex. You’ve worked hard to change the way you see yourself and you are no longer that guy who has no confidence with women, but sometimes the confidence is fragile and it can be easily broken.
The key thing to remember is that it takes commitment to maintain self-confidence.
So, when it comes to your new relationship, you must understand that the confident version of you, is the one that your lady was first attracted to. She felt comfortable enough to open up to you and as a result, began to develop feelings.
However, what I see very often (and this is something that I have been guilty of in the past), is after a guy has been dating a girl for maybe 6 months or so, they become complacent. They get lazy and all those sexy and desirable traits that they had worked so hard to build before they first met the girl have started to disappear.
This is relationship suicide!
The arguments begin, she starts to criticise you for everything and the self-doubt rears its ugly head again. Sound familiar?
So, what can you do to avoid this?
You need to continue investing in you, keep reading, keep learning. Keep showing your woman why she fell for you.
If you have become lazy, needy and not the strongest most masculine version of yourself, she will soon lose interest.
If you want to learn about this in more detail, there is a great book by a relationship coach called Corey Wayne, called ‘How to be a 3% man’.
This is a very compelling book which I highly recommend reading at least 3 times, if you want to learn how to be better with women.
Amazon link below:
Or you can get the audio version from audible.com:
The book set out the emotional differences between men and women and explains that men need to always maintain their “masculine” in order for women to maintain their “feminine”. This is very important as, if a woman feels the need to take on a masculine role in a relationship because the man doesn’t have his shit in order and is showing more feminine traits, the relationship is doomed to fail.
Women need to feel that the man in their life is a strong decision maker, who doesn’t procrastinate and isn’t predictable.
So here are a few quick tips, to show her who’s the man in your relationship and maintain that alpha confidence:
- Keep them guessing – Don’t always do or say what they expect. Women are allured by mystery, so this will spike her interest in you.
- make decisions and stick by them – this is important. Women love it when a man takes control and takes the responsibility out of their hands.
- Don’t get lazy- sitting on the couch watching tv all day is not cool and it’s not sexy and it shows them that you are not driven.
- Keep it fun – think of new things to try out. Be adventurous and she will love it!
As always, I hope this information has been useful to you. I welcome all constructive feedback, so feel free to comment below.
Now go out there and be that strong confident guy!!!